defining despair

By: Shelbi Henny

the true definition of despair 
is the complete loss of hope
and as the tears dwindle
down my face
i calculate the indifference
of the casualities
ache in my belly as i drown
and press on
when stinging
from honey bees
collapse at each side
of my lungs
that causes mild heart
attacks when realizing
the empties and longing
with constant tremors
convulsing as i lose
memory of common words
speechless when after
your name is said i gasp
for air
but the only thing
filling is water
from crying
though that becomes a
routine
and though explaining
over and over
yet i stumble upon
finally saying that
i'm okay
because when asked how
are you feeling
i can't simple say
despair
because i promise
the listener will
never understand
what that truly means
for me

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