I’ve noticed that after the dust settles, and life seems comfortable. I become uneasy. I no longer find words to express. My therapy in writing, becomes entrapment. I feel lost and out of place. I search for a tranquility. Something to center my peace. At the same time every year, I ask myself “Whats next?” What do you want in life? Where do you want to go? I look for changes that resolves this hole I seem to dig myself in. It never fells the same month I always make this drastic change. Something crazy happens to make me wonder. Moving the planets in my life to find alignment.
I find myself with no attachments. Having the faults in the stars creating an easy escape to my departure. No kids, no spouse, hate job, exhaustion, family ties, change in home, and anything that would make anyone refuse to go. I move to a different city with no obstacles and better opportunities to create art. I question what have I really accomplished in life. In mid-stride of my twenties, I question if I am behind. If I am holding myself back. Saying aloud, that I am not where I want to be. Even though truth be told I am far from were I use to be.
With every emotion I feel leading me to a decision of rebirth. I notice the pattern. The core of my creativity to push myself into the unknown. With each outcome of the move, I learn new things about myself. Experiencing new altitudes that push me. From a small town girl from Lake Charles, La I moved to Lafayette, La right after high school. There I developed maturity. Then after 3 years, I moved to California. Losing everything materialistically and at the end finding spirtual growth. I decided to move to Texas. I’ve been in Texas rebuilding and claiming my own independence. I call this my selfish stage. Learning to focus solely on me. And now I strive for more growth.
To my lovely readers, I want you to understand your pattern. Mine have always been drastic. Causing me to open my eyes in transforming. Timing is nothing. I want you to acknowledge that sleepless night. The lose of that job, home, spouse, or anything that ties you to being comfortable. The tears that seem to seep random and unexpected. The writers block that plagues you. The mysterious past that comes back to bite you in the behind. The happily ever after that seems like a nightmare. All these signs are the beginning of your transformation. The time for your evolution. Your final exam to the life lesson you have been taking. I want you to open your eyes to this. Know that this is the beginning to a new start. I step closer to a stronger you. And that everything you have been afraid to do is moving into place for you to conquer. Notice this and rejoice. Embrace your cycle of evolution.