after october

by: shelbi henny

i was drawn to a metamorphosis
transparency 
collecting a movement of emotions
that stumble into categories
of grief
that define my moods
in circumferences
that raise the question 
how much more can i take
how much more can i lose
when in regret after the 
fact 
i was so wrapped up in 
sacrifice
that happiness seemed 
far on pillars 
that no matter how many 
times asked 
i was delivered in 
abundance of eternity
and engulfing on tomorrow
though with arrogance 
i painted architecture 
swallowing tears and
plastering smiles 
i died holding your hand
for the last time 
and basket in paradise 
in your arms 
though bearing the reality 
that what lies here 
holds no weight
yet stains every ounce of 
my shame 
and defeat 
loving you was far worse 
than lynching 
yet sweet to saying your
name 
that i proclaimed it endlessly